When I said goodbye my heart ached to stay. 

I sat on the plane and tried to work, but my mind was on my children.

When I checked my watch and noticed it was bedtime and I could not call, I longed to hear their voices.

I got off the plane and could not talk to my husband.  It was 2 a.m. in Charlotte.  I wanted to say I love you.

I am not the same person today as I was just a few years ago.  My heart is forever with my family.

How does one let go of their heart?

I know that my job will involve travel.  I’m that girl who loves traveling and soaking in new places and experiences.  It is just so hard without them.  I am learning the same lessons I am teaching them.  We will be okay for a few days.  It’s no big deal.  You’ll have so much fun with Daddy.

I know this will be a wonderful trip.  I will make new friends.  I will learn.  I will embrace the experience. In all honesty, just hours ago I felt like I needed a break.  I need to remember that and let go just a little.

Still, I lay here in my hotel room and wish for those same kids who sometimes drive me crazy.  I would be overjoyed to hear Violet’s tiny voice at 2 a.m. singing Twinkle, Twinkle.  I want to hear how Miles’ blue puppy is feeling at 5 a.m.  I might even miss breaking up fights before the sun comes up. 

I just miss them.  And that is okay.

This is motherhood.  

Join the discussion 10 Comments

Leave a Reply

CommentLuv badge