When I said goodbye my heart ached to stay.
I sat on the plane and tried to work, but my mind was on my children.
When I checked my watch and noticed it was bedtime and I could not call, I longed to hear their voices.
I got off the plane and could not talk to my husband. It was 2 a.m. in Charlotte. I wanted to say I love you.
I am not the same person today as I was just a few years ago. My heart is forever with my family.
How does one let go of their heart?
I know that my job will involve travel. I’m that girl who loves traveling and soaking in new places and experiences. It is just so hard without them. I am learning the same lessons I am teaching them. We will be okay for a few days. It’s no big deal. You’ll have so much fun with Daddy.
I know this will be a wonderful trip. I will make new friends. I will learn. I will embrace the experience. In all honesty, just hours ago I felt like I needed a break. I need to remember that and let go just a little.
Still, I lay here in my hotel room and wish for those same kids who sometimes drive me crazy. I would be overjoyed to hear Violet’s tiny voice at 2 a.m. singing Twinkle, Twinkle. I want to hear how Miles’ blue puppy is feeling at 5 a.m. I might even miss breaking up fights before the sun comes up.
I just miss them. And that is okay.
This is motherhood.