How Violet Lost Her #DisneySide Birthday Party

By March 21, 2014Parenting

We planned the perfect Violet’s Bowtique to celebrate her 4th birthday party with her favorite mouse.  Sorry Mickey, she adores Minne.

Minne Ears

I love throwing a good birthday party and in this, I admit, I usually go over the top.  We go Disney themed a lot here.  I think everyone knows we rock our Disney Side pretty often.  Remember Sophia’s Peter Pan and Pixie Hollow Party (yes, I built a pirate ship).  Or maybe you saw how crazy I was to build a castle for the Princess Party?  My personal favorite might have been the candy party or the Ocean wonderland.  I am crafty and I love to have lots of people over.  So do my kids.  My own mom always threw us the cutest parties.  I simply follow in her footsteps.

For the Bowtique, we made Minnie Mouse Ears and T-Shirts for the girls.  We had a Minnie approved soundtrack for the dance party.  We had a pin the bow on Minnie game.  The girls chose adorable Minnie Mouse party favors and we had bows to decorate and planned a little fashion show.  I was so excited.  Violet was over the moon.  She couldn’t wait.

The problem was with her behavior in the weeks leading up to the party.  She was a little out of control.  I was struggling to figure out how to get through to her.  She has so much passion, and she could not control it at all.  She was angry and tired from screaming and crying so much.  Nothing I tried was changing her behavior.  She would not listen to me.  I am trying not to yell.  Day after day, things got worse and not better.

Finally, I calmy said “Violet Grace, if you do not change your behavior you will not be having your birthday party” and I knew I couldn’t turn back.  I’m not the best at sticking to punishments and my mother told me point blank that this could be where our problems had started.  I almost immediately regretted this punishment, but at the same time, I knew that she needed to have something big on the table to make a change.  I thought she would.  I hoped and prayed that she would.  I gave her 3 chances, grasping at straws to keep the party for her.

How She Lost The Party

That night, she did not like dinner and spit her food out.  That was one.  She said there was no way I was taking her party away.  Sophia, who is 7, agreed.  They both know how much I love a  good party. I asked her to keep her plate in front of her and be quiet if she could not be nice or even to calmly excuse herself.  She flat out refused and started to scream.  I told her she now had two strikes.  I suggested she might want to take her tempter fit to her room so she would not lose her party.  I stayed calm and explained that I needed to see different behavior so we could all enjoy our time together.  I told her I loved her.  I told her I understood how it felt to be so so so angry and upset.  Then she flipped her plate of food up in the air and threw her body down on the banquette and completely lost it.  With food everywhere and a hysterical child, I did not yell.  I cried and told her that I was very sorry, but she would not be able to have her party.

The whole table was in shock.  It took Violet about 30 minutes to stop screaming.  She simply wore herself out.  We were sitting in silence at the table when my husband got home.  He couldn’t believe it when I told him there would be no party.  He made the right decision and supported me.

It has been two weeks and she asks about that party every single day.  Her behavior is improving every single day.  With one decision and one act of discipline that I really tuck with, I changed the way I parent and the way my kids see me.  We have many opportunities to talk about this situation, and the kids are all learning, for real, that actions have consequences and that they are in control of their behavior.

I have a box packed away with all those Minnie Mouse goodies.  I can’t wait to have that Disney party with all of my kids.  But it will not be a birthday party for my youngest firecracker of a child, it will be a party with all my kids with and for all of their friends.  We will make Mickey ears.  We will add more fun activities and I can’t wait to tell and show you all of it.

For now, I learned a valuable lesson about parenting and I fully reinforced for myself how really, really hard this gig is.  Sometimes it takes losing something to bring a kid around.  She needed a big event to match her big behavior.  I needed to put my big girl parent pants on and make a hard choice and stick with it.  Believe me, now they do not doubt me when I say things.  I don’t feel like I am talking to a wall as much and heck if it isn’t making everything a little better every day.

The #DisneySide Story

I need to share that this celebration was supposed to a part of the #DisneySide home celebrations happening all over the country.  Disney and Maria and the lovely group at BSM Media sent a lovely package with party favors and treats and trivia.  Something like 600 families threw amazing Disney parties!  I was really excited to be a part of this. We played all the games as a family.  We rocked Disney Trivia.  We decorated T-shirts. We will have many more DisneySide celebrations in this home and at the parks. I weighed this decision carefully, as I had agreed to post about out party.  I called my mom, of course. At the end of the day, having another party and just not calling it a birthday party right away would have made my lesson weaker.  I believe that Disney, through its characters and its stories, wants to encourage kids to be good, to be honest, to be fair and to be kind.  I think that as a mom, I made the right decision and I’m pretty sure that Walt would agree.

You can check out tons of great information on showing your DisneySide at DisneySide.com and DisneySideCelebrations.com and find great crafts and activities on Spoonful.com.  Have fun exploring all the great ideas and showing your #DisneySide!

I will be posting about the party how to’s and finally, after thousands of requests, I will also be making my DIY Disney Autograph book a free printable for my readers!  So stay tuned!  How’s that for showing my #DisneySide?

Now tell me, have your kids ever lost anything really big?

Join the discussion 13 Comments

  • Greta says:

    I would’ve cried, too. But it’s so good that you stuck to your guns and used the authority that you know you have but the kids may have forgotten about. I know my kids forget that I’m in charge sometimes.

  • Alison
    Twitter:
    says:

    I think you absolutely made the right decision in sticking with your guns. There is no other way to show children that you mean business until you actually see it through, hard as it is.

    I do hope you and Violet and the kids will get your Disney party soon!
    Alison recently posted… Through The Lens Thursday #12: DoorMy Profile

    • Brittany says:

      I need to mean business more. Honestly, it would mean a lot more good times together if I really followed through with consequences. A big part of it is, of course, thinking about the right punishment before I spit one out that would never work. I do this way too much!

  • Amy says:

    You did the right thing, momma! My husband + I also had the we’re-too-easy-on-the-punishments epiphany a few months ago. Since then we’ve come down hard with taking away privileges~ and privileges that MATTER to them. Total game changer for behavior in our older two. Your post helped reaffirm that we need to keep sticking to our punishments, even when sometimes it’s a punishment to us too!
    Amy recently posted… Hello, Monday! {happy st. patrick’s day!}My Profile

  • Katie says:

    You totally did the right thing, but OH how I would have cried too. Parties are a big deal to me too and because it’s the child’s birthday, I think of it as a birth day for me too…just focused on the child. But yes, you did the right thing.

    We have had to take a trip to Chicago away from Eddie due to horrible behavior. We were going to stay with friends and everything. That morning I had to text her and tell her we could not come. I felt like a jerk, but it was necessary.
    Katie recently posted… Why Are We Reading This?My Profile

  • Jennifer says:

    You totally did the right thing. I admire your ability to stick with it. I know that had to be hard.
    Jennifer recently posted… 3 Things to Learn From Mateo’s MomMy Profile

  • That must have been so heartbreakingly hard to do. I admire that you stuck to your guns! I have a truly hard time giving appropriate consequences… and sticking to them.
    Jenni Chiu recently posted… Jem the Movie Is HappeningMy Profile

  • What a hard situation. I would have been so sad too, but I agree that it was the right thing to do. I am sure that everyone will really enjoy the party when that day arrives!
    Kim recently posted… LayersMy Profile

  • Julia says:

    Good for you for sticking with your decision, I don’t know if I could have been so strong . I’m discovering that one of the hardest things about parenting a 3 year old is sticking with what you say and following through.

  • Amanda says:

    Incredible. I am all too familiar with struggling to back up punishments. It’s so hard, but as you experienced, everyone benefits. If we people have rings on our souls, like trees do on their trunks, I guarantee you earned a beautiful ring in the hard work that you did.
    Amanda recently posted… PinnedMy Profile

  • Nicole says:

    What IS it about the wind-down to party day that makes kids crazy? I’ve made the same empty threats at both girls about their impending parties.

    You’ve got BALLZ, Mama. *slow clap*

  • David Ryan says:

    You did the right decision, mum. Kuddos to you for being firm about it too.
    David Ryan recently posted… Snow*VigateMy Profile

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