The Knight Bangs the Princess

By March 22, 2011My Life, Parenting, Play

Oh yes.  Did you not know?  Come on, we all knew that during the pillaging of villages the knights sometimes had their way with the peasants but I know from a very trustworthy 2 and 4 year old that those knights…well they banged Belle too.  I know…it’s like a fabulous romance novel…not the pillaging of course…the knights and princesses and their totally hot amorous love.


It’s hilarious to watch Miles and Sophia play.  The mix of girls and boys toys makes for some rowdy encounters between figures.  Those brawny muscled knights and those beautiful buxom princesses have a much hotter life than I do, that’s for sure.

Miles:  Belle, I’m going to bang you!  Get ready.  (Miles attacks the princess with his knight.)

Sophia:  No, don’t bang me I’m a princess.  You will wreck my dress. (Sophia backs Belle away.)

Miles:  I want to bang you Belle.  And Cinderella I will bang you too.  Bang!  Bang! (Miles crushes the princesses with his knights.  The knights also bangs a girl in roller skates, Snow White, and Iridessa the fairy.)

Sophia:  No, no!

Miles:  I will bank you and stick you with my sword! (Seriously, I can’t make this crap up.)

Sophia:  Oh knight No! You need to save me from the dragon. (Waving princess in the air towards Rex, who is standing outside the castle.)

Miles:  Belle, I will bang the dragon and I will save you.  Dragon, I am banging you and sticking you.  (Miles attacks the dragon with his knight…and clearly is getting a little kinky.)

Sophia:  Oh thank you knight, do you want to get married and sleep in my bed? (Sophia lays belle down in the bed…she has a fascination lately with the fact that Ross and I sleep together.)

Miles:  I love married.  I will get in your bed, Belle. (The knight lays down in the bed with Belle.)

This goes on and on.  I cannot help but laugh hysterically as the kids do not understand at all what they are saying.  Miles tells me when he is going potty that he is going to bang me with his penis.  I kid you not.  I tell him that is not nice, but I have to choke back a giggle as my slightly inappropriate sense of humor rears its head.

So, ’round here knights bang princesses and then they get married.  How’s that for breaking class barriers?

p.s.  The Beast stood on the tower the whole time and never came to Belle’s aid.  Both of the kids still think he is bad.  But he always is placed in the tower first.

p.p.s.  The poor girl in the roller skates just got banged and not married.

p.p.p.s.  Sophia said the pretty pony was supposed to be guarding the castle.  I told her that pony did a pretty poopy job.  She just laughed.

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