It’s as if my camera sensed my tears when she walked through the door. It was all a blur as I remembered the first time I held her and imagined our life as mother and daughter. Somehow I was not prepared for my throat to close and my heart constrict as she smiled with excitement. I could not stop the tears. For a moment I longed for a return to the days of her infancy, where I could protect and cuddle to my heart’s desire. Then I felt a surge of pride as I watched her confidence and began to envision the friendship I hope we will have and all the memories we have left to make.
It is just pre-school, I know. But my baby is not a baby anymore. When her name was called she walked to the stage as a little girl poised to become a young woman. It was almost surreal to watch her. I see her at 4 and saw her being 14 in no time. She has told me she is ready to grow up. I want more time. But I will let her go, and let her grow.
She brings home papers every day. The memory box is stuffed with handprints and collages and love letters from a daughter to her mother. This paper is different. It is the first hard core piece of proof positive evidence that she is not a baby. She has a diploma people. A real diploma.
We came home from school and started an art project, as usual. She started talking about how big she was and then she said she wanted to get married. She had tons of questions about marriage and how it works and when you find someone and how you know what love is. I was sort of freaking out as the picture of Ross giving her away popped into my head.
How fast was all this growing up going to go? What if I missed something? How could we slow things down a little? I am so proud of her, but I feel real pain as I say goodbye to the days of my firstborn being anything other than a little lady.
When I tucked her in, she brought up marriage again. She wanted to know if she would live with her husband in another house. I told her that usually married couples want to get their own house so they have privacy. Well, my prayers were answered. She told me if that was how marriage was she isn’t ready, because right now she wants to live with me me forever. I kissed her beautiful face and said “that’s great babe, because right now mommy wants that too.”
Congratulations Sophia! Mommy is so proud of you!