My Noisy Wrinkled Funny Boobs

By September 25, 2008Life in General

Everyone who has breastfed knows the fun of breast pads – those wonderful unattractive and noisy maxi pad like circles you stuff in your bra to keep from soaking the front of your shirt every time a baby cries.  I make a lot of milk and go through a lot of these.  My faves are from Medela and man do I need them! 

For those of you who are unfamiliar with these huge fashion don’ts, the disposable ones have a little sticky pad the sticks to your bra and then they cover your breast inside the bra to prevent leaks.  When I had just Sophia, I thought it was sort of funny that not only was my wardrobe severely limited by always having to wear something that I could pull down or up or to the side to feed my angel, but that it was even more limited by the fact that this little pad is not so little and had to be stuffed in my bra.  So while one may have developed a lovely large chest, that chest is covered with a crinkly pad that must be stuffed in a not so sexy bra underneath a less than provocative shirt.  This pad is not invisible in your bra.  Sometimes you see the crease in the pad, sometimes it gets wrinkled in there and bunches up.  Almost all the time it makes a little noise.

Yes, these breastpads are not silent.  I am now accusomed to a rustling sometimes as the absorbent pad moves here and there.  How attractive right? 

Breast Lover: Ma’am you have lovely big boobs but I am sorry are they crinkling?

Me:  (Crinkle Crinkle) What you don’t like the sound effects?  Doesn’t that add to my outfit?

Breast Lover:  Ummm, also one is a little pointy. (He is thinking I stuff my bra for these babies!)

Me:  You DOLT.  I am breastfeeding and unless you want to be sprayed I must wear these unfashionable sponges in my bra.  Believe me, I am not trying to make these things look any bigger or more obvious.

This has never happened, but I imagine it!

Anyway, with the addition of Miles I was unaware that the drama would increase as now these pads are also toys and extremely interesting to any 2 or 3 year old.  Specifically, Sophia thinks they are hats.  Ross is Jewish and they look a lot like Yarmulkes ( I mean a lot), so I can see where she gets the notion.  Sophia has a Yarmulke from her cousin Claire’s bat mitzvah when she was a baby and we have a picture of it , so she knows what these hats look like.

I have said before that breastfeeding is funny, but this can also be embarrassing.  If we are in the mall, for instance, and I am feeding Miles with my cover, I usually put the pad next to me or in his stroller.  Sophia then digs it up and either puts it on his head so everyone can see this pad or she says “here mom” and lifts up the cover to try to stuff it back into my bra.  Either way, I am no longer the invisible breastfeeding mom in the courtyard while shopping. 

While I do not have the ability to snap a pic of this in public – here is her handiwork at home.  Miles thinks it is funny, the twins think it is funny, the neighborhood kids think it is funny and to be honest, other than when one of these pads ends up on his head when we have single friends or non-parent friends over, I do too.  Actually, it is hilarious.  Other people just seem a little grossed out to be honest.  I might be too if I did not have kids.  Then again, a little crinkly breast pad action is nothing compared to all the poop and throw up that touches me – so I don’t feel that bad if one touches them.

So at some point I will have my normal boobs back but for now I guess they will just be seen as well as heard by all who approach me.  Fine by me since we make so much noise wherever we go it seems like we are not exactly incognito anyway.

Join the discussion One Comment

  • Katie says:

    I think that those would drive anyone crazy! Maybe one good thing about Wachovia going under is you will have a break from them for a bit longer than you thought! Love you bunches!!