I’m Not Going

By January 9, 2011My Life, Parenting

I’m always the yes girl even when my heart says no.  I always feel so bad saying no to invitations and so I drag my tired crabby self to anything and everything.  Lately I have notices that not everyone does this.  We will have plans with another family and only the dad will show up with his kids.  I will feel my heart sink and internally bemoan my missing girl friend.  Usually she is not feeling well or had a long day and has a terriable headache.  I think sometimes this is true.  However, I also think sometimes she just is a mom like me and needs a break.  She needs some time alone.

Today Violet is teething to the tune of 3 teeth coming in.  It is a painful thing for my little girl who has only had two teeth forever.  They are all popping it at once and she is not sleeping or playing she is just whining and chewing on furniture and being generally a poopy head.

This morning my husband accepted an invitation for the family to go down the street for a playdate and dinner before he gets on a plane early due to the weather to get to New York and be there for 4 days.  4 days in which at least one of the days school will be cancelled and Charlotte will be covered with ice and I will have no break and no help.

So tonight I put my NO hat on and even though I still have the teether with me I am staying home.  He just left and I wish we could spend the evening as a family but I want the kids to have fun.  They just left.  I’m totally okay with being almost alone.  I would give a lot to be totally alone for an hour or two.  But I will take what I can get.

And I will start to ask for a little totally alone time. I will put my NO hat on sometimes, because clearly other people have used this accessory before and I need to.

Maybe I am just a closet hermit, but sometimes a playdate, even with grownups is not what I need.


Phew – that is my 5 minutes of frantic typing and typos and no editing.  This is my first time participating in Fadra’s Stream of Consciousness Sunday.  You just type for 5 minutes and post.  And clearly I needed it.  I saw her tweet about it right after my hubs left and I put Violet in her exersaucer and typed for 5 minutes.  She won’t last much longer.  That’s it.  This is what my brain needed to spit out.  I feel better.  I still can’t wait for bedtime, but I feel better.  You should totally do this.  It’s quite therapeutic.

Fadra's Sunday Stream of Consciousness

So tell me, do you ever put on your NO hat?

Join the discussion 25 Comments

  • I think it’s awesome that you can say NO! It’s too easy to say YES all the time.
    Sara Broers recently posted… Winter or SpringMy Profile

  • Good for you!!!! I always try and remember to wear my NO hat. Good luck on solo parent duty. 🙂

  • Yuliya says:

    Oh I so so feel you on this. Aliza is teething too, she’s had two teeth for a while and now I don’t know how many are coming but she is SO miserable. I am so miserable as well, naturally.
    But you have two other kids on top of it, how? How do you do it?

    Lots of luck to you on solo parenting. I have a feeling you will be saying “no” a lot in those four days…

  • Candice says:

    Good for you! You’ve sounded really stressed and burnt out lately; I’ve been worrying about you. I definitely think you need some “off” time by yourself and/or doing things you enjoy (maybe with a friend, but with NO babies around).

    I like this stream of consciousness idea. I’d enjoy it if more people blogged that way occasionally.
    Candice recently posted… Winter vs SummerMy Profile

    • Brittany says:

      Thanks so much sweetie. I have been stressed, but really for reason other than my wonderful kids. I am letting my stress impact my parenting though, which is so wrong and I hate it. Maybe I will blog about it, but I am not sure. It makes me feel a little too raw right now. And yes – I do need some time without even the baby!

      You should join in on one of the SOC Sundays. It was my first one but Fadra is awesome and I love the idea. The posts are always fun to read too!

  • Fadra says:

    Brittany – I never say no. I’m the one that always goes to the playdate/Pampered Chef/Tupperware/work party/whatever. Because I don’t want to be the party pooper. My husband is often the same way. And I, too, have realized that I’m probably the only one that has this sense of obligation. I said no right after Christmas to a get together at my neighbor’s because I had a bad cold. I could have gone. I could have sucked it up. But I’m glad I said no. Wished you lived closer. We could herd the kids and open a bottle of wine and ride out the storm!
    Fadra recently posted… Stream of Consciousness Sunday- Completely Random ThoughtsMy Profile

  • Midwest Elle says:

    My no hat exists within our home when I ask my husband to take over dinner/bathtime/bedtime/playtime every so often so that I can have a moment to myself to sew or blog or clip and organize the mound of coupons I have on the counter. One of the most difficult things to do as a mom is to put your needs 1st. And even when I do, I feel awful about it most of the time. Good for you for saying no tonight and having a little quality time with the teething munchkin. I hope you have a wonderful evening in.
    Midwest Elle recently posted… My little gymnast photo heavyMy Profile

  • April says:

    Awww…..I hope your little sweetie gets to feeling better soon. Yes, all Mom’s need to use the no hat sometimes. 🙂
    April recently posted… Big changes coming in July!!!My Profile

  • Melisa says:

    I say no, then feel bad and say yes. I need to say no and stick with it because when I say yes and really meant no…it makes for me being a crabby mommy and I don’t like that!
    Melisa recently posted… 31 weeks 5 daysMy Profile

  • […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Becci, Mommy Words. Mommy Words said: Just posted: "I'm Not Going" for this week's #SOCsunday over at .@allthingsfadra 's place. http://bit.ly/dGn0ro […]

  • Colleen says:

    My sister-in-law and I just marked off the 2nd Tuesday of every month as “moms night out”. Just the 2 of us. Going to dinner somewhere we wouldn’t take the kids.

    The dads have no trouble taking their “me” time. It’s about time we claimed some back.
    Colleen recently posted… Im in the bathroom about 10 times every hourMy Profile

  • Nora says:

    I need to get myself a tall no hat! Sometimes I just want to sit at home and do nothing, but most of the time I find myself saying yes to everyone. Maybe I can make that into my New Years resolution…be more of a home body! 🙂

    I’m glad you were able to stay home, even if it was with your teething little one.

  • kelly says:

    No could be a difficult word to say sometimes. But if we say yes and ends up not happy the whole day, we may spoil other’s mood as well. So for the sake for other’s happiness, we need to learn to say No at the right time on the right tone, agreed?
    kelly recently posted… PART II-The most glittering street this coming Chinese New YearMy Profile

  • Kimberly says:

    Yay! I put my no hat on this past weekend and did nothing and it was glorious.

  • Jennifer @ Cafe Jen says:

    Ya know, I have to say I am very good at NOT saying yes. If I need a break, I need a break….what I DO need tolearn to speak up on is more husband/wife time. That’s what I need to work on….good post, got me thinking.
    Jennifer recently posted… GracieMy Profile

  • Liza says:

    My old life coach used to call this “the beautiful no.” It’s where you thank someone sincerely for thinking of you, and no, you will need to decline the invitation. I love that phrase. It’s not only like you’re taking care of yourself, but you’re being beautiful to the other person, too. Goodness all around!!
    Liza recently posted… 15 Realizations You Have When Sobering UpMy Profile

  • Julie says:

    I say yes all the time. All the time. And most things SOUND good to me when I say yes (although that is not a prerequisite and I will agree to commmitments that sound terrible from the outset).

    Usually, however, no matter how enthusiastic I feel about a particular event, when the time comes, I’d rather be home. By the fire. With a book. Or by the pool with a cocktail. Or just anywhere but where I’ve promised to be.

    I don’t know why this happens. I like people. I really do! But I think it’s because I always say yes that I end up feeling OBLIGATED instead of looking forward to whatever it is I’ve got on the calendar.

    I’m going to try to embrace the Beautiful No. LOVE that phrase.
    and thanks for the post…
    Julie recently posted… Today call me stereotypedMy Profile

  • Loukia says:

    I usually have such a hard time saying no, too! Good for you, mama. You definitely need some time where you can just chill and do your own thing!

  • Lori says:

    I put my “no” hat on today in fact. I’ll admit I’m not very good at it either. Today, however, I did it and it worked out fine.

    I am going back to work this year, although from home and my kids will still be here, but work nonetheless. My blog and interior decorating business will be my new baby and I am going to have to say no more. I am already dreading it b/c it feels so wrong sometime, but I know it is the right thing for me.

    Good luck with saying no sometimes… We all need a bit more practice giving ourselves permission to do it!!


  • Melissa says:

    Good for you! I am the same way, always feeling like I have to say yes. I have also started putting on my NO and saying it to my husband also because I want some ME time!

  • Rachel says:

    I had to bail on a birthday party last Saturday. I didn’t want to. Really, I didn’t. But my son had been having blowouts all week (from his two-year molars, I think, but it my have been a bug). Plus the party was going to have a lot of teachers from the school I used to teach at—the teaching experience that I only recently stopped having nightmares about. I bailed not only for my son, but for my sanity!
    Rachel recently posted… Top Seven Things I Learned by Not Going to BlissdomMy Profile

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