I spend a lot of time in the loo and as you might expect no matter what my business, I am not alone. This is motherhood folks. And marriage after a while. Dude, just because we are married you can’t just come in when I’m going. I suppose I get the littles doing it but a grown man in there just crosses my line. The conversation can wait. I’m not in there a lot for myself though.
I have 3 children.They all want or need me to to wipe them. This takes time and I will never miss wiping another person’s rear end. But it is more than just that.
Sophia, Frequent Pee-Er
Sophia is 5 and was potty trained at 18 months. Don’t ask me my secret. That girl potty trained herself. She has always hit the pot to do her business. Trouble is, it turns out she has developed a frequency issue. She has never had a UTI but she goes so much that it gets all sore. In the past few months, the problem escalated and now she is going 60 times a day! While she doesn’t need me in the bathroom, I am supposed to make sure there is no blood or anything strange that could signal a bigger problem. I don’t even know what I am looking for, but still I look. According to the urologist this could go on for years. Sure, I’m thankful there is nothing wrong with her bladder but this totally sucks.
When Sophia goes, the other kids feel like they have to go and I get it. It is almost like a yawn. We are all going more because she is always going and talking about going. So we are all in the bathroom, all the time.
Miles, Competition Pee-Er
Miles is almost 4 and was potty trained at 2 1/2. We did the 3 day potty training thing and it totally rocks. You go full on and take all diapers away – even at night. He rocked it. But he’s still a 3 year old boy who thinks that penis games with pee are funny. He aims it at things, he sees how far it goes, he has battles with his friends…he basically covers things in urine even though he has the skill to hit the target. He has the skill to hit almost anything. Yeah, he’s totally building a strong resume while I wipe up urine.
Violet, Commando Poo-Er
Violet just turned 2 and thinks poop is funny. We’re basically screwed because she barely wears clothes. She will only wear a giant puffy, twirly skirt and she likes to go commando. We can’t do any potty training because we can’t see what goes on under that giant skirt. It matters not if she is wearing a diaper or undies, she takes it off and when she goes, she goes on the floor. She’s good with pee pee in the potty but you know that is not the issue. We gave up for now. We just watch that skirt like a hawk and I totally hit Target for more ridiculous skirts because I am always washing poop off one. We are putting her on the potty all the time and trying to get a pull up on her and scrambling to find one with Belle on it or Dora in the yellow dress because those are the only ones she will keep on for more than a few minutes.
I have lost control of the loo. They play in the tub whether it is bath time or not. They constantly figure out new ways to get into my makeup and are never quieter than when they break into a bathroom cabinet that holds the wonder of lipstick and nail polish. They go to the bathroom all the time and yell “WIPE” a dozen times a day. Then add actual baths and teeth brushing and monitoring Sophia’s pee and it is no wonder I am getting nothing done. It’s hard to multi-task in a bathroom with kids. Unlike my husband, who seems to enjoy alone time in there, I’m all sorts of busy in the bathroom.
Have any suggestions? I’m at a loss and I’m washing my hands so much my skin is protesting.
So yeah, I’ll bring my phone but just know I’ll be in the bathroom. Maybe you are too?