Forgetting Your Child in the Car Could Kill. 10 Tips to Remember.

By July 20, 2010Opinion, Safety

 I originally posted on this topic last summer.  I feel it is a subject that warrants a second look.

So far this year, 24 children died after being left in a hot car.  In 2009, 33 children were lost forever after being forgotten. They died from hyperthermia. I am sure there are hundreds of little ones who did not die, but could have.  I am sure there are thousands who have been left in the car for a moment.  This is not okay.  It does not take a long time for a car to heat up above 107 degrees.  And that temperature is lethal for humans.  More than 70% of these deaths were kids under 2 – many of whom were asleep and facing backwards as the AAP recommends.     They did not make any noise when the car was parked.   See this fact sheet for more information on hyperthermia deaths.

First, Some Background and Sensitivity Training…

The Washington Post called it “Fatal Distraction” in March 2009, when staff writer Gene Weingarten wrote about the difficulty in assessing the criminal nature of a child’s death by hyperthermia (or heatstroke) when the parent made a fatal mistake – he or she forgot their child or children in the car.  (Please see also the transcript of Gene’s live discussion after the huge response his article received.)   These are parents who deeply love their children.  They will be haunted for the rest of their lives by their mistake.  I am in tears again and I have read the article and many others so many times.  Gene admits that he had a moment in his past where his daughter made a noise in a parking lot and he remembered she was there.  He had forgotten.  He was overcome with nausea.  Thank God he did not get out of the car.  Thank God she made a noise.  He felt like he had to write this piece.  Sometimes it just takes the smallest thing to bring us back from our modern day distracted reality.

I hear this a lot:  “what kind of parent could do that?” I have read a number of articles over the last few years that made me realize it could be any of us.  Seriously.  Our brains are not perfect.  And the part of our brain that deals with memory and complex routines – the pre-frontal cortex – helps us to multitask and make finely tuned decisions but is also sensitive to stress and changes in a NORMAL routine.  Read the article for a much better description.  Basically, under stress the boobie part of your brain, the basal ganglia, takes over and you go on autopilot.  Unless something jogs your good brain – you could forget anything – even your child. I will not spend a long time on specific stories of heartbroken parents but I will post the list of people Gene interviewed  – the list of what kind of parent could do that.   It is terrifying and very sobering.  The following is taken from Gene’s article.

What kind of person forgets a baby?

The wealthy do, it turns out. And the poor, and the middle class. Parents of all ages and ethnicities do it. Mothers are just as likely to do it as fathers. It happens to the chronically absent-minded and to the fanatically organized, to the college-educated and to the marginally literate. In the last 10 years, it has happened to a dentist. A postal clerk. A social worker. A police officer. An accountant. A soldier. A paralegal. An electrician. A Protestant clergyman. A rabbinical student. A nurse. A construction worker. An assistant principal. It happened to a mental health counselor, a college professor and a pizza chef. It happened to a pediatrician. It happened to a rocket scientist….

The facts in each case differ a little, but always there is the terrible moment when the parent realizes what he or she has done, often through a phone call from a spouse or caregiver. This is followed by a frantic sprint to the car. What awaits there is the worst thing in the world.

See?  They are not all drunk or on drugs.  They are not “those” parents who you would never associate with.  They are people, just like you and me, who never thought they would do that.  Let’s keep any “better than you claws” in and focus on how to avoid this situation.  Please.

How Can We Prevent These Tragedies?  a.k.a. How to Jog Your Good Brain and Help Others

10 Ideas…not all mine but all good.  And there can be NO overkill here.  Overlap is great!

1.  Set an Alert on your computer, phone or Blackberry: From my own vault of experience while working with a baby in daycare – I set an alert on my computer to go off every 15 minutes from about 7 a.m. (I got to work around 7.15 to 7.30) to 9 a.m.  That way no matter when I got to work there was a message on my screen that said…

Did you drop Sophia off at daycare?  Are you sure she is not in the car?

I put mine in Microsoft outlook.  I am sure there are lots of online programs that can do it too.  This really helped me.  While I never really thought I had left her – I did call the daycare once or twice to make sure while running to my car.  This frantic run may happen with this method – the note sometimes makes you second guess yourself.  However, coupled with the other suggestions I think it is still a good idea.

2.  Place a sticker on your car: Your windshield, your dashboard, your driver side window – wherever you think – that asks the same question.  Where is your child?  Or says Kids Should not be Left In Cars.  Or maybe Don’t Forget Me! This is also a good reminder to count your kids before you leave.  WAY too many kids get run over every year because parents thought they were in the car or in the house.  You can get some stickers and magnets for your car from Forget Me Not.  Or you could make your own.  You scrapbookers could make some dynamite stickers I am sure.  Maybe they have your kids names on them.  Maybe a phrase you know you will notice.  Just something.  As long as you see it and remember.

3.  Place a sticker on the door/entrance of your workplace and your home. They have security stickers.  They have credit card stickers.   They have hours and rules posted.  Whatever – your workplace should be happy to oblige you!  This way if you miss it on your car you will be reminded again when you get to the door.   On your house – this is a simple one.  Parents leave kids in the car at home.   They also accidentally leave their kids at home when they leave in the car.  Since I assume you lock and unlock your doors or at least use the handle to open or close it – this should be a reminder either way to actually think about where your kids are.

4.  Place a large stuffed animal in the car seat when it is unoccupied. When you put your child in, put the animal in the front seat.  This is a visual reminder, says Jannette Fennell of Kids and Cars.  Then when you leave make it a habit to get your child out and replace the animal in the back.

5.  Put things you need for your activity in the back seat. Be it work, errands or other daily activities you have things you always take with you that you would usually have or need when you got to where you were going.   If you were supposed to drop your child off you would notice when you went to grab your purse in the back seat and saw your sleeping child.  And, unlike your child, who you would have thought you dropped off, you will miss your purse as soon as you go for your cup of coffee, to make a purchase, to put away your phone.  If you get in the habit you will always be checking your back seat for your valuables.

6.  Leave the Diaper Bag / Kid Supplies in the Front Seat.  This is similar to the above, but is another idea to really make sure everything is in the wrong place so that you WILL know if your child is in the car and you WILL NOT forget them if you go to pick up your purse and see a diaper bag and then reach in the back and see your child.

7.  Regularly Communicate with your Childcare Provider. This is a great idea anyway.  Keep your childcare provider, be it a nanny or a daycare or a home facility, aware of your plans.   Let them know what time you will be dropping off and ask them to contact you if they do not see your child at that time.  If you are good at communicating with them, they should do the same for you.  When you are looking for childcare, make sure this is something they will do.  I made sure that besides the sign in sheet at our daycare, they used an attendance chart in the classrooms and they did, in fact, ask when a child was not there.

8.  Get an alarm for your car seat. I have been thinking this for awhile but of course, like my other inventions, they already have one like it.  I will tell you about both.  What I actually think is that much like the seat belt beeper that goes off if someone is in a seat with no seat belt the auto manufacturers should put the same kind of device on each back seat station.  You should be able to “alarm” it when you install the car seat.  When you open your car door the car will say to you, “Don’t forget you have passengers in the back seat.”  I would be fine if it said, in a screaming voice – “Hey Lady – Baby on Board.  Get her out!”.  Just something to make sure I was with it.  Honda, Toyota, Dodge are you listening????  Volvo – come on you are all for safety!!!

Since this is not yet available on any cars that I know of you can use something like the Baby Alert Child Minder System. This retails for $69.95.  It is a pad that goes in the seat and an alarm that goes on your key chain.  If you walk more than 15 feet from the car while the child is in the seat.  The alarm will sound.  This will also make sure you do not run into gas stations or grocery stores, even in the winter, because whether it’s hot or not your child should not be alone in the car.  Many states have a ZERO seconds law that means no child may be left in car for any number of seconds.  Good stuff.   You could also use the Cars-N-Kids Car Seat Monitor.  This monitor also senses the weight of the child, but it plays a lullaby whenever the car stops, reminding you that you have a baby in the car.  This retails for $29.95.  Personally I like the alarm better but either tackle the main objective – remember your baby is in the car!

9.  Spread the Word.  The more people who know how this can happen and how fast it can happen and that it could, in reality, happen to them, the more people will take some of these simple steps to make sure it does not happen.  Maybe your local moms group could make stickers. Maybe you could hand some out at temple or church.  Maybe you could include them in the goodie bags for a party with a little note.  This is not rude.  This is not spoiling someone’s good time.  It is possibly saving a life – many lives in reality – from being destroyed.  Be open to talking about the hard times all parents have juggling their kids with their lives and their jobs, especially new parents who are adjusting to the changes and the lack of sleep and the car seats and the drop offs and all of the things that come at you the minute that baby comes out.   The more open we are, the more people will know, and the more they will think before they lock their car and walk away from their beautiful child.

10.  Look Around.  Peek in Parked Cars. You are not some Peeping Tom.  You are just casually walking by and glancing in back seats.  I have seen kids in cars outside a grocery store before.  Not a gas station (not that it matters) but a big grocery store.  It can take 20 minutes to “run in and out” of a huge store.  The mother walked out to her car as I was approaching a security guard to let him know.  It was near 90 degrees outside.  Had the doors not been locked I swear I would have opened them.  We have a zero second law here so I would have been fine doing that, or calling 911 or probably breaking a window.  People DO leave their kids.  They do not always remember, or they think they will be right back, or they don’t know how dangerous it really is.  If you notice a child and get that car open you may well save his or her life.  That is worth a few weird glances your way.  As a note, look in particular (or find a security guard to look) if you see or hear a car alarm going off but no one is around it.  Some cars have motion detectors that will go off when they sense movement within and were locked using the key fob.

Don’t they say it takes 28 days to form a habit?  Some things may seem silly or too simple but they are meant to insert a new basics routine in that dumb part of your brain that you will do even when you are the most tired the most stressed or the most out of your normal routine.  They are meant to train you to remember your child, and harsh as that sounds, it is a good reminder for all of us.

I hope that you find some of these suggestions useful for you or someone you know with small children.  Please remember to treat your vehicle as a dangerous object and not let children of any age near it to play or explore.  Older kids get locked in cars accidentally themselves.  Kids from toddlers on up can start cars and accidentally drive them.  And babies can be forgotten.

Please help SPREAD THE WORD on this topic.  You can use the share buttons below to send it by email or post it to your Facebook or other networking site.  You can Tweet it from the top of the post or from below.

If you have any other suggestions I will update this post with them and spread your words as well.

Thank you for listening, thank you for sharing, thank you for loving your children and for keeping them safe.

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Join the discussion 35 Comments

  • Jamie says:

    GREAT article, Brittany. So timely and SO important.

    I would add one more thing to this list and that is to NOT get into the habit of leaving your baby in the car casually. Some of the very sad stories I’ve read from parents who have lost children WOULD leave their baby in the car, knowingly, to run small errands, etc. THe Principal in OH is one of these cases.

    I have three kids and I KNOW how hard it can be to drag ALL them into a store for something minor (or the post office to drop off a letter or the video store to return a movie) but I really and truly believe that if it’s ALWAYS a habit for you to leave your car with your kiddos in tow, you’re going to be less likely to forget them.

    Found your link on SITS in the 31DBB thread.

    • Wendy says:

      Yes, Jamie. It amazes me that parents will intentionally leave their babies in a car alone just out of nothing more than laziness. It is a horrible habit to get into.
      .-= Wendy´s last blog ..Poop Happens- a Day in the Life of a SAHM =-.

    • Brittany says:

      Jamie I am with you. Zero seconds laws are there for a reason. Children should never be left unattended for so many reasons and it is totally worth the buckling and unbuckling of 3 kids to keep them safe. Having said that – I avoid a LOT of errands with a 3 and try to get a lot of my shopping done online or when hubs has a least one.

  • Ugh, every year, every summer, I have to read at least two local items about children dying in hot cars. It breaks my heart every time. Thanks for the powerful reminder.
    .-= TheKitchenWitch´s last blog ..Summer in the Med =-.

  • Towanda says:

    #2 and #5 keep me sane. I am constantly counting, “3 kids, 2 bags, 1 water bottle, etc…”. It makes me look crazy, but I know I’m not forgetting anyone or anything.

    I also walk around my truck before I leave home and when I get to work to make sure I have everything and that everything is where it should be (i.e. no gym bags on the driveway or water bottles on top of the truck…).

  • Wendy says:

    What kind of a parent forgets their baby? Me. I’m not a working mom. My kids don’t go to daycare, yet I’ve made this mistake. It DOES happen when there is a change in your normal routine. I have 3 kids under the age of 4 and am used to going every where with all 3 (buckle, buckle, buckle…unbuckle, unbuckle, unbuckle). But one day my parents were visiting and I had to run to the grocery store. I left my 2 toddlers at my house playing with my dad and my mom and I went to the store and I brought the baby. I was busy chatting with my mom on the drive and the baby fell asleep. Since I didn’t have my talkative toddlers with me and I was distracted by my mom, I forgot all about my baby. When we got to the store I got out of the car and started to walk to the store’s entrance when my mom called out “what about the baby?” I was shocked at myself! I can’t believe I forgot her and in the 101 degree Texas heat! Thankfully I had my mom with me that day. I learned my lesson and now put my purse in front of my baby’s carseat.

    Muscle memory is an amazing thing. We can place our kids in their carseat and drive familiar routes all without thinking about it. When we break our daily routines, horrible accidents like these can happen. Thank you for this post. I hope it gets a lot of attention.
    .-= Wendy´s last blog ..Poop Happens- a Day in the Life of a SAHM =-.

    • Brittany says:

      Wendy I too have had this experience when I changed my routine on a Saturday morning and Ross took my 2 and 3 year old and I had my sister with me for the first time since I had Violet. I guess because she used to live here and I had never had Violet when I was with her my brain just switched to a different mode and without the other kids in the car making noises and singing my brain simply skipped over the idea that baby Violet was asleep in the car. My sister was not used to ever having Violet there either. We got to a restuarant, parked the car, commented on how it was already hot and walked in. Katie went straight to the bathroom and when the hostess asked how many and I said 2 and went to the table. When I sat down I realized I was actually 2 and a baby and started running and at the same time my sister came running out of the bathroom yelling where’s Violet? It had been maybe a minute but I was terrified. Thankfully Violet was okay and my good brain was jogged when I sat down without Violet – which never happens! I have reminders on my phone and on my car and still that day made the terrible mistake. I came back to my own tips here and implemented almost all of them! Thank God we both realized.

  • vodka logic says:

    Great read for sure. Although as I said on twitter my kids are older (one drives), it wouldn’t hurt to peek in cars once in awhile.. I can still do my bit. 🙂
    .-= vodka logic´s last blog ..Ive Returned From Vacationsort of =-.

  • Theta Mom says:

    This is just crazy but I remember seeing a woman on Oprah who lost her daughter in the backseat of her car – because she forgot about her. Thanks for bringing this issue to light…
    .-= Theta Mom´s last blog ..Real Connections with Bloggers =-.

    • Brittany says:

      Thank Heather. It is SO scary and so hard to imagine it ever being us or someone we know. That’s the reason for the tips. Like a drowing child, a child in a car seat is often quiet and in a car is not visible from the front seat. Anything that can help is worth posting!

  • Thank you for this. I can’t imagine EVER forgetting my kids in the car, but I do know how distracted we parents can get.
    .-= C @ Kid Things´s last blog ..An Experimental Approach When All Else Fails =-.

    • Brittany says:

      Thank you. It is totally unimaginable and that is why so many of us never think it could happen and never think to do anything to “make sure” it doesn’t happen. Like Nick says – We’re Not Perfect – We’re Parents. It is sometimes so easy to judge before something happens to us. I really want to help instead of pointing fingers or assuming I could never be that parent.

  • I would feel confident enough to tell anyone to use the details that you have brought up. Thank you 🙂

  • Mama Kat says:

    I just cannot even imagine!! But I always feel horrible for the parents that completely forget to drop their kids off at daycare or whatever the routine is. It really is easy to get distracted!
    .-= Mama Kat´s last blog ..Stylish Kids =-.

    • Brittany says:

      Yep it’s so hard to imagine because we all care so much for our kids. That’s why it’s easier to use a couple of tips than to think it could never happen and then endure the tragedy if it ever did. For me personally I feel like with 3 kids 3 and under it is abnormal for me not to be distracted 😉

  • Christiana says:

    My husband was interviewing a woman for an open position at his company this past week. (he’s a manager) He discovered that she left her 4 week old baby in her car (the keys were in it and it was running) for 90 minutes or more while in the interview. He said he couldn’t even imagine (she would have had NO idea how long the interview would have taken) considering this.

    I often have the opposite problem. I find myself going to get Fuss out of the car when she ISN’T there (I have 2 very willing-to-babysit sisters-in-law who randomly help me out) but then, I typically have her with me 24/7, so I can easily see if the routine was different and she WASN’T always with me, how I might forget. It’s so easy to get distracted. Thanks for the reminders.
    .-= Christiana´s last blog ..A different type of 10 on Tuesday =-.

    • Brittany says:

      OMG! I am the person who would have walked by thatcar and called 911 immediately. That ischild neglect under the laws here and I am assuming most other states. Besides the heat issue – what if someone saw the kids in the car and broke in, taking both the car and the baby! Oh my goodness that poor 4 week old baby! I am SO SO SO glad nothing happened! Your opposite problem is the good one to have. I have now instituted that policy myself – alwasy look in the backseat – even if you are alone! Better safe than sorry!

  • Melissa says:

    Such awesome advice. I once started walking into daycare to pick up my oldest and realized the baby was asleep in the car. I mean I barely even walked past my car before I remembered but it scared me to death at the WHAT IF, even I was only going to be in DC for 5 minutes.

    I do the purse in the backseat thing and DH and I check on the older guy every morning (he emails me an update on how Big Roo did). Thanks for the reminder and the extra tips!
    .-= Melissa´s last blog ..7 Non-Insane Tips to Capture Family Memories =-.

  • Dana says:

    One other thing….keep cars locked when they’re sitting in your driveway. For some reason, children like to play in cars and they have no sense. Mine once strapped their 2 yo sister in her car seat. Fortunately, she was fine. She couldn’t have been in there longer than a couple minutes and it was a rainy day, anyway, but it really makes you think about how quickly things can happen.
    .-= Dana´s last blog ..Helping your chickens survive the summer heat =-.

    • Brittany says:

      Dana this is a great point. Cars are not toys and should always be off limits for kids except when a parent is in it. If your child is not answering when you call his or her name – check the car first. It is one of the most dangerous places they can be.

      • Melissa says:

        I was JUST returning to your blog to post that same message! I heard a story the other day about someone’s child being stuck in the car in their garage but luckily he was found in time. My car doors are ALWAYS locked when in the garage or elsewhere. It’s a habit I got into a many years ago after having my last car broken into 4 times (it was a Honda, the most stolen car ever).
        .-= Melissa´s last blog ..7 Non-Insane Tips to Capture Family Memories =-.

  • Jill says:

    Wow, great and intense post. I’m feeling really thankful I live in the city and don’t drive often. I saw that heart wrenching Oprah episode with the mom who left her daughter. I absolutely believe it can happen to everyone. Thanks for this. I’m tweeting.
    .-= Jill´s last blog ..BEST BURGERS MANHATTAN =-.

    • Brittany says:

      Oh man I wish I did not drive often. It really is just a hot mess all around. Buckling and unbuckling, screaming kids fighting over what song we listen to, staying alive while kids drive you crazy…and they think cell phones are dangerous in cars!

  • When I was 4 years old my mom left me in the truck with my 2 year old sister in her seat. She was just running in to tell them we were there and to find out where to pull the truck to get the delivery.

    That’s what maybe 60 seconds to a minute or two.

    In that time I unbuckled and played around with the truck to get it out of park – it began to roll and apparently I got scared and crawled under the wheel and thankfully happened to lean against the brake. The truck was totaled but that little bit of pressure on the brake was enough to slow the truck to the point that my baby sister and I didn’t die.

    I always have thought “how can a parent do that?” when it comes to a child dying in a car. Until I was totally sleep deprived had dropped my older two off at daycare and went to the grocery store. I had enough mind to get the cover for the shopping cart and the diaper bag but not the baby. Was already in the store getting the shopping cart wiped down and the cover in place and then realized I didn’t have the baby with me. Thankfully it was winter out so it wasn’t insanely hot in the car in the moments that it took me to walk into the store.

    I felt horrible and that I needed the worst parent of the year award but it did show me how easily it is to forget your child even when you say you will never do that. It happens… to the best of us!
    .-= Alaina Frederick´s last blog ..Getting There =-.

  • Thank you so much for posting this! I added it to my facebook. I always hate to hear stories about this happening. Like you said, sometimes it is a pure and simple accident, but what an accident to have to live with!
    .-= Ramblings of a Woman´s last blog ..10 steps to avoid mental breakdown =-.

  • Michelle says:

    On my gosh, I cannot imagine forgetting my children (and I have short term memory loss!)! I guess it happens, but come on… I have three kids, ages 14, 9, and 6, and I’ve NEVER EVER forgotten about them. I just don’t get it – is it our ever increasingly distracted society that’s at fault?

    SITS Challenge visiting. Great post. Peace. 😉
    .-= Michelle´s last blog ..DIY Green Living Blog Hop Tuesdays =-.

  • Nichole says:

    Such a powerful and important post.

    No parent who has ever forgot about their child believed that they ever would.

    Truly, a great post.

  • Hi Brittany,
    Thanks so much for posting this article. Each time I hear of another child death by hyperthermia I want to scream and I wonder how there could be anyone left who has not heard this message. But there are many who haven’t, so thanks for spreading the word. All wonderful tips on here and I, too, am frustrated at the lack of action on the part of the auto makers. We have a petition you can sign and forward to readers if you would like.
    Also, Volvo does have a sensor system, they just advertise it for those who want protection against intruders in the car. You may have seen the commercials, a woman walks to her car and her key fob alerts her there is a heartbeat in the car. Although it’s not directed as a child sensor, it could work the same way. As you exit the car your fob notifies you someone is in it. So, someone at least has something; now all the rest of them need to stop sitting on their pocketbooks (while living in mansions) and save the lives of children. Thanks again! And keep checking on those cars parked near yours everyone!

  • Yes. It sounds trivial but is a very serious matter. Very good post. Best Regards
    .-= Tamara@Miracle-of-Pregnancy-and-Parenting´s last blog ..How to Survive The Commonest Symptoms Your Baby Might Have! =-.

  • Excellent post. I recently read that article you referenced and just sobbed and sobbed. And sobbed some more. Even after reading it, I have thought, there’s no way that could happen to me, but the reality is that it can happen to anyone. Such tragedy could easily be avoided by following the suggestions you’ve listed.
    .-= Mungee’s Ma´s last blog ..Video- Bibble Bibble =-.

  • Kelly says:

    Thanks for posting this. I’ll be sharing it with my friends and family. I feel very fortunate that I work from home, and so, rarely am in a position to forget the kids. But for years I commuted 80 miles a day and was constantly tired and stressed out. Any of those days could’ve been the day it happened to me.
    .-= Kelly´s last blog ..The King =-.

  • IASoupMama says:

    I couldn’t imagine the guilt these poor parents feel — I have never been one to judge them because I know it can happen to anyone at any time.

    Here’s another tip: pin a piece of stretchy elastic to the bottom of the car seat cover (where baby cannot get tangled in it) and pin the other end to your own clothes. When you get all tangled trying to get out of the car, you’ll remember why.

    My daycare is two blocks from my office and it is always my routine to stop there first. My kids don’t go to daycare in the summer, but I have almost pulled into her driveway three times when I didn’t need to drop kids off.
    .-= IASoupMama´s last blog ..Smooth Operator =-.

  • Suzy says:

    Linked to this post from my blog, hope you don’t mind.

  • Agi says:

    A friend posted this article today, because a two year old was left 8 hours in a company parking lot and died while his dad was at work. He thought he had dropped him off at kindergarten. I pray I never ever be so distracted to forget anything else but my keys or cell phone in the car, but i t’s really useful and worth making a routine of any of the above said ideas. Thank you.

  • kaykat says:

    People also need to get into the habit of talking to their child in the back seat while driving., as they would to a friend in the front seat. “Tonight sweetie, I’m going to give you brocoli for supper.” “Hey baby, what do you think of that left turn?” whatever. Also,, looking for a response in the rear view mirror. The more you engage with your child, the less likely you would forget him. It’s very very sad what has happened in these case, it’s horrifying, it breaks my heart. I agree these suggestion you posted might help…but the ones that rely on technology or automate, quite frankly, scare me. it’s the over-teched auto-pilot aspect of our lives that contributes to our being less tuned, or tunnelvisioned and LESS PRSENT IN THE MOMENT in my opinion.

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