You may remember just a few weeks ago when I posted about how much I love those moments in the middle of the night with my babies. I talked about how I don’t mind waking with Violet to nurse her and steal some peaceful time with my baby. I mentioned how much I missed each of my babies as they moved into their own rooms.
I might be over it. I am writing through a foggy haze of exhaustion as I try to figure out what to do about my dear, sweet baby Violet. I need some advice. I really need some sleep.
Just days after I got all mushy about our nightly cuddles Violet started waking up just 2 hours after she went to bed. I thought she was just teething and I went with it. I nursed her and cuddled her and put her back to sleep. She would wake every few hours with a whimper and I would go to her, letting her know that Mommy loves her and that everything was okay. At first she fell back asleep, leaving me with 3 hour sleep intervals. That was enough…I thought it would pass.
That wimper turned into a wail in the past week and the baby who used to fall back asleep now wakes up at 10:30 p.m. and after nursing, she screams when she is put back in her crib. And she won’t stop screaming if she is in that crib. I got so tired that I began to fall asleep in a chair with her in my arms. I would wake and find her in a dead sleep, but as soon as I placed her back in her crib the hysteria would begin again.
I cannot bear to hear a baby cry like that. Maybe it is a weakness but between my boobs leaking and my head pounding and my heart aching I must go to my crying baby. We are so far from Ferberization it isn’t even funny. Again, I thought it would pass.
I was wrong. When we were at my in-laws house for Thanksgiving it just got worse, but because the crib is in the room where all the cousins sleep, I finally had to take her out and bring her into our bed. She was waking everybody up and I felt terrible!
Guess who sleeps like a baby next to Mommy? Yep. Now guess which Mommy does not sleep at all while worried about crushing her child or having her husband’s pointy elbow knock her out or having her crawl right off the edge of the bed? Right again. It’s a no win here people.
And, it gets worse. Violet started waking up – for good – at 5 a.m. this week. Happy and bubbling with joy she sits up in bed and starts pulling my hair, crawling around and playing peek-a-boo like it is a decent hour in the morning. To be clear, around here, it is not.
What are my options here? I can’t co-sleep and I can’t no sleep and I can’t just let her cry. What’s a girl to do?
Seriously, I know that I may have to either figure out how to co-sleep or I need to let her cry but if any of you lovely readers have any suggestions please share! I can’t be alone in this, right?