A Letter to My Pre-Schoolers on Love, Hate and Bullies

By October 18, 2010Opinion, Parenting, Self Image

I have read so many posts following the hateful incidents of cyber bullying and tragic deaths that followed.  I was moved by Vicky’s letter to her college daughter and wanted to write a letter to my much younger children.  My thoughts are similar but my words are for these little ones just learning life’s lessons.  They need to know how I feel, in the simplest way possible.  We talk about how to be a good friend and how important it is to be kind, but we are now talking about what happens when someone is mean.  It helped me to write this before I spoke to them and I wanted to post it so that we all realize children are never too young to learn the value of a gentle heart and the tools to deal with sadness.  My mom taught me well and I only hope to pass the same generous spirit down to my own 3 children.  Sophia is 4 and Miles is 2.  We are starting to have these important conversations.  These talks about love and hate and yes…bullies.

I hope we are all talking to our kids about how to be a good person, a good friend and how to handle the tough days life sometimes throws at us.  No one should have to say goodbye to their child and no child should ever feel that their life is not worth living.

Dear Sophia and Miles,

Mommy has been a little distracted the past few weeks.  I know you don’t understand this now, but a young man named Tyler, who loved music just like you do, was bullied by some kids at his school and his feelings were so hurt that he did not want to be alive anymore.  I look at you every day and my heart breaks when I think of his mommy and daddy and his friends, who love him so much and can’t see him anymore.  I think of you and hope you know how much I love you, how important love is, and how much bigger all this love is than the little bit of hate that swirls around this world.

I Love You.  Your Daddy Loves You.  Your Siblings and Grandmas and Grandpas and Aunts and Uncles and Cousins and Neighbors and Friends and Teachers all love you.  You are blessed.  Don’t ever forget how many people love you…even when you feel sad.

Not everyone is nice all the time.  Sometimes people are bullies.  A bully is someone who is mean a lot.  A bully says things that hurt people’s feelings.  Sometimes they say it to a person and sometimes they talk about a person behind their back.  Sometimes a bully even hits or pushes to make someone else feel bad.  Sometimes a bully will tell you what to do.  Sometimes a bully can be so mean that your feelings get so hurt you cry.  A bully can be so mean to you that you wonder if anyone likes you.  A bully can be so mean that you don’t want to go back to school or talk to your friends.  A bully might even make you think you are not loved.

Remember:  I Love You.  Your Daddy Loves You.  Your Siblings and Grandmas and Grandpas and Aunts and Uncles and Cousins and Neighbors and Friends and Teachers all love you.  You are loved.

Remember:  You are wonderful just the way you are.  You don’t ever need to change to be what someone else says.  We are all different.  We are all special.  That is what makes the world so interesting. It doesn’t matter if you are great at sports or dancing or gymnastics or writing or math or science.  You will find something you love and you should let your loves provide you with strength and joy.  Some people might try to make you feel bad but try not to let them.  Try to remember that to be unique is awesome and you don’t ever need to be just like everyone else.

I want to tell you how important love is in our world, and how much I want you to give love and kindness whenever and wherever you can.  When you are mean and make someone else feel bad, you will feel sad too.  It is never funny to make fun of someone else or to push them around.  You would not want someone to do that to you!  If you treat other people the way you want to be treated you will have lots of friends and you will go to sleep at night proud of yourself.  I will be proud of you too.

I can’t promise that no one will ever be mean to you.  I can’t promise that no one will ever make you feel really sad.  Like I said, some people don’t know ho to be nice.  Some people are sad on the inside and they want to make other people sad.  Some people want to make friends by making fun of people.  Some people might hit or push you.  I want you to know it is okay to feel sad.  Everybody does.  Mommy still gets her feelings hurt sometimes and I am sad.  When I get sad I try to remember all of the good things and all of the love that we have.  Same for you.

Remember:  I Love You.  Your Daddy Loves You.  Your Grandma’s and Grandpas and Aunts and Uncles and Cousins and Neighbors and Friends and Teachers all love you.  You are loved.

If you are sad because someone else hurts your feelings or pushes you, please find a grown-up to talk to.  This is not tattle taleing.  Grown-ups can help you feel better and show you how much love there is.  Grown-ups can also talk to the bully and try to stop him or her from being mean.  As you get older you may also have good friends you can talk to.  Please just don’t keep sadness inside.  It grows there and gets bigger.  If you let the sadness out you will have more room for smiles and happiness.  And less room for bullies to hurt you.  

If you see someone else who is sad, be their friend.  Even if you don’t know them very well, be nice to them and show them that they are loved too.  Tell them how great they are.  You will never regret being kind.  And then you will never have to be the one who hurt someone else.  That would be so sad, don’t you think?

I am always here for you if you need to talk.  So is your dad and any other grown-up who loves you.  It’s not always easy being a kid, but we were all little once and I can tell you – lots of these little things that hurt you now you won’t even remember.  We can help you if you need it.  Please talk to us.  We love you no matter what.  There is nothing that could change that.  Ever.  For your whole life and our whole life we will love you guys with every bit of our hearts.  Every night we say Best Friends Forever.  I mean it.  I’m not going anywhere.

I can’t protect you from everything but I can be here to wipe away your tears and help you see the sunshine through the clouds.  Because there is always sunshine coming…even after the worst storms.  And it is worth waiting for.



p.s. Don’t ever forget.   I Love You.  Your Daddy Loves You.  Your Siblings and Grandmas and Grandpas and Aunts and Uncles and Cousins and Neighbors and Friends and Teachers all love you.  You are loved.

Join the discussion 17 Comments

  • Kelly says:

    This is beautiful. My favorite part is the simplicity, truth, and honor of “You will never regret being kind.” So, so profound.
    Kelly recently posted… QOTD- The rules !!!My Profile

    • Brittany says:

      Thanks Kelly. We are trying to talk about all of this now…when things can be simple. We are kind. We help other people. We do not make people feel sad. We are going to start talking every day about our feelings…just a little…wonder what will come of it?

  • gigi says:

    Fabulous letter!!! Your kids are lucky to have you as a mom.
    gigi recently posted… Blogging for a Cause – 5 Steps and a HugMy Profile

    • Brittany says:

      Thanks so much Gigi. They may disagree some days! I think kids really need to start learning these lessons early. And knowing that there is help when they need it.

  • Waaaaa….bawling over here. This is beautiful.

  • What a wonderful letter, the greatest thing in life for a child is to know that their parent loves them and will always be there for them. Are you thinking of printing this out to put somewhere in your home???
    MommyB Knows Best recently posted… Momnesia MondaysMy Profile

  • Bryna says:

    Being bullied as a child, I knew this, but it would’ve been nice if it was talked about more in my family. I think it’s SO important and I may steal your sentiments when I talk to my daughters too!

    • Brittany says:

      I am so sorry that you were bullied. Sophia already has a little bully in her class and we have talked to the teacher. She doesn’t like to talk about it and that worries me. That is why we need to tell them they can talk to us from such a young age! And go ahead…steal away!

  • Alli says:

    This is an amazing letter! While I do find it sad that we have to speak of these things with our babies, you’ve done the most amazing job I have ever seen with by writing this letter! I love it!

  • Amy Oscar says:

    “You will never regret being kind…” and “there is always sunshine coming…even after the worst storms. ” Such profound truth is such simple statements. Thank you for sharing this beautiful post with me. Your children are starting from such a strong foundation of love. How lucky they are.

  • Lisa @pbajmom says:

    You’re the kind of person that makes the world a better place. Love your post. 🙂

  • Liza says:

    (sigh) It’s so unfortunate that we have to have such talks – talks that begin with someone killing himself. Thankfully, though, there are people like you and many other bloggers who are not only out there making statements, but being GREAT parents about it. So, thank you for helping to add to the love and the peace.
    Liza recently posted… Fear and Our Resistance to ChangeMy Profile

  • Danielle says:

    What an awesome letter. Being bullied can be a very tragic time in a childs life. I would know I was bullied when I was in elementary school when I moved into a new town. The kids pretended to be my friend in front of my parents when they would come and ask if I could play but each time I went with them they were extremely cruel. It got so bad that I refuse to go to school I would hide when I saw them and I would beg my mom not to make me go outside and play with them anymore. At first my mom thought she was doing me a favor by forcing me to make new friends but then it all reached a head when my teacher had a meeting with her and told her what had been happening even at school. She acted fast after talking to the teacher. She pulled me out of that school and enrolled me into a different school and a year went by and then we all met back up at the junior high. Well let me tell you time actually changes people and a year did wonders because one of the girls is one of my best friends to this day 14 years later…I was 12 then and I am 26 now.
    Danielle recently posted… Does Your Child Have the Look- Interview with JE Model and Talent Agent Shannon MalloyMy Profile

  • Oh my goodness I am reading this in tears. One of the hardest parts of being a mum, for me, is the letting go. The letting them find their own way, make their own friends and fight their own battles. But I really hope they have the courage to come to me when they need to. I was bullied at school and was so ashamed, never told my parents and i remember the isolation so well. THAT is what I want to protect my kids from. Thanks for sharing this.

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