I don’t know what I did to get so lucky. We don’t really celebrate Valentine’s day, but every day I pause and reflect on how much I love him. And how much he must love me. We are lucky, right?
Please don’t think it is all sunshine around here. I know he loves me so much and I love him so much because things have been so hard lately. Some days feel impossible. Many days I am not myself. Sometimes, I am merely a reflection of the grief in my heart and it is ugly.
Still, he is here, with me and for me. This is why I married him. This is why I am lucky.
He doesn’t fully understand my feelings, but he lets me have them. He listens. He lets me cry.
He reminds me that I am awesome. He encourages my growth.
He gently forces me to open my eyes and see the joy in my life without dismissing our real loss.
He spends time as the only parent, taking our three young children on walks or to a store so that I can have a break. I was spending this time cleaning or doing laundry. I thought that was what I was supposed to do. I love that he was angered by this. He told me it wasn’t time for me to be the housekeeper, but for me to rediscover myself and to find peace. Naps are encouraged. Books are allowed. Art projects applauded. I can’t tell you why I needed him to “let” me off my motherhood gig, but he gave me the pass I needed.
He does not judge my lack of finesse in the kitchen. That’s a nice way of saying I hate to cook. He’s okay with grilled cheese many nights, because I rock at grilled cheese and it is my comfort food. When I am feeling good, I try harder and I am not bad. But I love that my foodie husband lets simple food be enough. Because sometimes that is all I can get on the table. Also, he cooks. Enough said.
He can make me laugh, even when I am determined to be all kinds of pissed off. A rare gift indeed.
He’s cool with just a cuddle. My body is a mystery to me these days. Grief is a burden that can leave me physically exhausted and wanting no more than the comfort of my partner in life and love. He is giving me time.
He loves me in spite of me lately.
We are far from perfect, but we are in love.
He is my valentine every day of the year. He has my whole heart, now and forever.