I don’t know what I did to get so lucky. We don’t really celebrate Valentine’s day, but every day I pause and reflect on how much I love him. And how much he must love me. We are lucky, right?
Please don’t think it is all sunshine around here. I know he loves me so much and I love him so much because things have been so hard lately. Some days feel impossible. Many days I am not myself. Sometimes, I am merely a reflection of the grief in my heart and it is ugly.
Still, he is here, with me and for me. This is why I married him. This is why I am lucky.
He doesn’t fully understand my feelings, but he lets me have them. He listens. He lets me cry.
He reminds me that I am awesome. He encourages my growth.
He gently forces me to open my eyes and see the joy in my life without dismissing our real loss.
He spends time as the only parent, taking our three young children on walks or to a store so that I can have a break. I was spending this time cleaning or doing laundry. I thought that was what I was supposed to do. I love that he was angered by this. He told me it wasn’t time for me to be the housekeeper, but for me to rediscover myself and to find peace. Naps are encouraged. Books are allowed. Art projects applauded. I can’t tell you why I needed him to “let” me off my motherhood gig, but he gave me the pass I needed.
He does not judge my lack of finesse in the kitchen. That’s a nice way of saying I hate to cook. He’s okay with grilled cheese many nights, because I rock at grilled cheese and it is my comfort food. When I am feeling good, I try harder and I am not bad. But I love that my foodie husband lets simple food be enough. Because sometimes that is all I can get on the table. Also, he cooks. Enough said.
He can make me laugh, even when I am determined to be all kinds of pissed off. A rare gift indeed.
He’s cool with just a cuddle. My body is a mystery to me these days. Grief is a burden that can leave me physically exhausted and wanting no more than the comfort of my partner in life and love. He is giving me time.
He loves me in spite of me lately.
We are far from perfect, but we are in love.
He is my valentine every day of the year. He has my whole heart, now and forever.
@BrittanyVandy
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![It was a pajama day while cleaned and played. Now it\](http://distilleryimage0.s3.amazonaws.com/75adaad4c0b311e292b622000a1fb73b_6.jpg "It was a pajama day while cleaned and played. Now it\")
Amanda - Her Thirties February 15, 2012 at 11:39 pm
A lovely post. Thank you for sharing.
Brittany February 17, 2012 at 8:14 pm
Thank you for reading. I rarely write about my husband and wanted to say how much he has done for me.
Pam C February 16, 2012 at 12:24 am
This is so beautiful!
Making It Work Mom February 16, 2012 at 7:11 am
Beautiful. You are a gift to each other.
Making It Work Mom recently posted…Happy Valentine’s Day
Alison February 16, 2012 at 10:00 am
I love that he gives you time off and encourages you to really embrace the me time.
My husband is the same. He’s always telling me to nap
Alison recently posted…Lost
Brittany February 17, 2012 at 8:14 pm
Why don;t we nap? What is wrong with us? Is twitter that exciting
Love that your hubby is like mine. Again, I only wish you were not in Malaysia or I was so we could meet!
IASoupMama February 16, 2012 at 10:15 am
Love it! I love hearing that the good guy gets the great girl!
My hubby is only useless overnight, the rest of the time he is 100% engaged.
IASoupMama recently posted…Moms: Super-Cool Guest Post Opportunity!
Brittany February 17, 2012 at 8:13 pm
Oh crap. Yeah, mine is totally useless in the night. I have just gotten used to that. Nice to hear yours is 100% during the day! You got a keeper too!
Jenn February 16, 2012 at 11:37 am
Ross is definitely one of the good ones. And cute to boot! So glad y’all have each other, during this difficult time and always. Love to you and the family!
Brittany February 17, 2012 at 8:12 pm
Haha thanks Jenn! Can’t wait until we see you guys again
Elena February 17, 2012 at 8:49 am
Love this–and especially, “He loves me in spite of me lately.” It is gift to have that kind of love.
Elena recently posted…Defining High Ability Thinking in Children
Brittany February 17, 2012 at 8:12 pm
It is a gift. For us to be together some days seems like a miracle with how very out of it I have been. I think we both know that things can be hard and that they will get better. xo Elena. I love your kind words and support.
Charlotte February 18, 2012 at 12:59 pm
So very happy to have found you here today via SITS. What a beautiful, heartfelt post. Your hubby sounds like a good, sweet man. Hope you enjoyed a very happy Valentine’s Day together! XOXO
Charlotte recently posted…The Ivy League of Dating
Galit Breen February 18, 2012 at 4:33 pm
I adore the raw transparency here, Brittany.
Much love to you, and your’s.
Galit Breen recently posted…Less, and More
ChiMomWriter February 21, 2012 at 1:22 pm
This is beautifully written, but more than that, it’s a brave piece of yourself that you’re sharing here. You’re clearly in a difficult place right now – Thank you for being willing to share that with us.
I’m not contending with the same type of grief that you are, but other circumstances leading to confusion, a need to rediscover myself in all of this, and a feeling like I’m not quite rocking the mom gig? I’m there. Always here to chat, my friend, or just listen.
I’m glad your husband is supporting you, and that you are able to see that even in the rough spots. Hugs to you.
ChiMomWriter recently posted…Sometimes You Just Have To Pick Up Shit.
Brittany February 22, 2012 at 8:19 pm
Thank you so much Tracey. Our baby was supposed to be born this week and in sharing I find some small bit of comfort. It is hard to write about little things when I have this on my heart.
I struggle too with feeling like I am not rocking the mom gig. Confusion, check. Need to rediscover, check. We are in this together and I will be here for you whatever you need.
Amy February 21, 2012 at 10:32 pm
Oh Brittany…this post brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing such a heartfelt piece with us. I’m so glad your husband can be there for you during this difficult time.
My favorite part of this post is “we are far from perfect, but we are in love.” Such simple and true words~ so incredibly beautiful. Sending lots of hugs your way. xoxo
Amy recently posted…Weekend road trip
Brittany February 22, 2012 at 8:20 pm
Hugs right back to you. I am so lucky to have wonderful people like you in my corner. Thank you so much.