Sex Scares Me

Sophia had her 5th birthday party last night.  Her ocean theme was a big hit and after we sent all the kids home at bedtime post the flashlight seashell hunt we fell into chairs with some friends and some drinks.  Somehow the conversation turned to sex and I realized that one day my kids would have sex.  No, I am not an idiot…I just try not to think about it.  Then my husband casually mentioned something about 1o years from now.  Sophia will be 15.   I thought I was going to throw up.  Not because I am afraid of having sex or have any issue with getting it on at all.  Nope, it is because it seems like nowadays young people are having sex at an earlier age and are having it more often with more people.  I have watched television.  I know we have to talk about sex before she is 15.  Because clearly kids are having it then. Me knowing and me being okay with it are two very different things.

I must be old fashioned because seeing a Cosmo magazine makes me a little nauseous.  It is all sex all the time.  Is there even a relationship before the boom boom happens? I can’t imagine my babies doing it just to do it, and yet it seems that is where the world is going.  I must have something in me from my days of Sunday School that absolutely prevents me from seeing sex as just a physical act.  I see so much more and so much danger in treating something that is both physically and emotionally serious so casually.

I know I have a lot of time but I am already wondering how to prepare my kids for this world where everything is so out there and where they will know about things so very early and have to handle the challenges.  I know that I need to raise strong, confident kids who have the ability to be themselves even when the tide is moving away from them.  I am not sure I know how to teach them about sex and I know that the way I feel may be going out of style more and more each year.  Still, I think having sex comes with a lot of responsibility and a lot of potential consequences that I don’t ever want my kids to have to face.  An unwanted pregnancy, an STD or even  broken heart…I fear sex for these things and more.

I want to do more research and find some facts and figures and actually explore the concept of casual sex, but for now I am just pouring my thoughts out as they come to get the conversation started and get this off my chest.  So what if I am old fashioned?  I still think sex is a big thing.

What do you think about sex?

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I wrote for 5 minutes straight for Fadra’s Stream of Consciousness Sunday.  No edits, no re-writes.  Forgive spelling and grammar please.  Just what’s on the heart and mind.  It’s a great way to get it out!

#SOCsunday

Comments

  1. says

    Yikes!! BiP is only 17m but I do think about it … It freaks me out.

    However, I have promised myself that I won’t do what my mother did to me which was sit me down at age 17 and give me the whole “don’t do it” sex talk. It was useless and alienating.

    I had friends who were sexually active from the age of 13 and that freaks me out. They missed out on a hell of a lot of just being a teen … I also have friends who saved themselves for marriage (in their late 20’s and early 30’s) so I realise ANYTHING is possible.

    I guess for me it’s going to be a subject that is openly discussed and pinned down to what is the right time and self respect. The subject scares the crap out of me to be honest.

  2. LieseSP says

    I think what is missing from our society nowadays is that sex has been devalued to the point where it is no longer a sacred act. I just hope when it comes to the time that I have to tell my kids about it, that my voice is louder than the media and their friends.
    Excellent post BTW, :-)

    • says

      Thanks. I hope that my voice is strong as well, but that my strong voice teaches them about being an adult and respect and consequences yet still shows the overwhelming love I have for them. I also hope they never doubt that they can come to me with questions or feelings and if I need to, I will swallow my fears and any anger and have a real conversation. On this one, I want the doors of communication to be as open as possible!

  3. says

    You have nailed some of my biggest parenting fears with your post. I know my kids will have sex. I want them to. When they are ADULTS and ready for the emotional, physical and mental responsibilities that go with such an important decision.

    For me, I know that’s one of the reasons that I so closely censor the entertainment that my children see online and on television. My oldest is just a few months behind your daughter in age, but it scares me!

  4. says

    The whole idea terrifies me. My goal is to have the sort of relationship with Nate where I’ll feel as comfortable as possible discussing sex with him realistically – not telling him to save himself for marriage unless that’s what he truly wants to do, but also warning him of the emotional entanglements that can occur with sex outside a relationship and while dating. More than anything, I truly hope to teach him to respect who he chooses to sleep with AND himself.

    • says

      You just put that so well. In 5 minutes I just spit my words out but what I want to write about is the understanding and the respect. Like you, I am not planning on telling them to save it for marriage unless that is their choice but I really think I have to make a plan for getting across that sex is not some tiny thing that is no big deal. It is making my mind spin!

  5. says

    Should we be surprised that kids are having sex at an early age with all they are exposed to on TV? I spent the last four years working in middle school and it’s on the minds of so many teens. It’s sad, and I think you have reason to be afraid of sex. (for your kids) Open discussions are the key. The world sure is a different place than it was when I was growing up. Yeah, it was on my mind, too, but more taboo than these days. I can tell you’re a great mom and things are going to be okay. :-)

  6. says

    I’m fairly liberal when it comes to sex. That being said, like everything else, all you can do is give them guidance, support and share the facts that you know. I think the one, most important, point is to try and engrave in their minds that they should never allow someone to make them feel like they owe their body to someone else, or feel pressured to do something they arent quite comfortable doing. They are the only ones to control that and whatever they do, they cannot undue it. I’m not a parent yet, but that comes from a little bit of experience. Best of luck! It’s a journey, nonetheless.

    • says

      I did not have time in 5 minutes but I am with you. I want them to know that their body is their own and that sex can change perceptions and have consequences. You said it. Somethings they cannot undo. Thanks for your perception. I LOVE hearing from people who do not have kids.

  7. says

    I’ve been thinking a lot about this topic these few weeks and how to address it properly with my 5yr old and yr old. I want to continue the relationship with them and hope that they will be able to make informed choices if they face temptations later on in their lives. I guess it is never an easy topic to approach.

  8. Michelle Kemper Brownlow says

    I mentor teen and tween girls and run workshops on setting appropriate boundaries that are rooted in common self-respect and I am reminded DAILY how lost our teens are. And it gets worse every year.

    Right now, in a local school, there is a group of senior boys who are in a contest with each other as to WHO can sleep with the most FRESHMEN girls before the end of the school year. EMPOWEING OUR GIRLS BEFORE they are in a situation to be WOOed by the start quarterback who says he loves her but is really just looking for the notch on his belt is CRUCIAL!!

    Too many parents think that if they bring up the subject they will be opening a can of worms that will be NEW NEWS to their kids – trouble is, girls as young as 11 and 12 are having CASUAL SEX… they are already IN the can of WORMS and ignoring this subject is NOT the answer!

    Kudos to you for thinking about it NOW! Your attention to it now will save you and your daughter the heartache later!

    <3

    • says

      Than you for your comment! I knew I wasn’t totally off my rocker to be scared. I would love to chat with you before I publish my post on casual sex. Would that be okay?

  9. says

    I had sex at an early age and I regret it. I wish I had of waited for someone who really loved me and cherished me. My parents taught me all about sex and how to protect myself and also important it was to wait, but I didn’t listen to that last part. Although my husband loves me reguardless of my prior relationships, I wish I had waited for him like he waited for me. I feel like I cheated myself and him.

    And honestly sex makes me uncomfortable and I’m not sure if it’s because of how careless I was in my youth or if it’s because of some other reason.

    I hope I can teach my kids and encourage them to wait.

  10. Bryna says

    Since my mom never had “the talk” with me and I found out about it from my (unexperienced, unknowing) friends, I am DETERMINED to not let my girls go through that. I don’t know what I will say but I know that I will have to say something.

    But they are 4 and 1, so I have time… but not too much! Time FLIES!!!!

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