Let the Heckling of My Husband Begin

I almost never speak of my husband on this blog.  He is usually fabulously awesome and hey, I’m not a dummy.  It would not be good if I constantly put our laundry on the Internet or just made fun of him for all that normal guy stuff.  However, I have my limits.  This time it has gone too far.  I cannot resist.

This man deserves to be heckled.  Heckle in the comments.  Heckle on facebook or twitter.  I will make sure he sees them all….If I do not die of heat exhaustion first.

Wimpy Ross
It has been in the 90’s lately. Our upstairs air conditioning broke last week and we have been living and sleeping, all 5 of us, in the downstairs. The kids are all sharing the pull out couch and my hot blooded hubby and I are sharing the full bed that I cannot believe we ever slept in together. Still, we knew we could make it to Thursday, when for the bargain price of almost $1000, the air conditioning will be fixed.

Today, it was 93 degrees.  I have been working my ass of spring cleaning my house and when I came inside to stand on top of the vent and blow freezing cold air up my shorts, I knew something was wrong.  Sweat was dripping down my legs and all I felt was warm air.  The downstairs A/C was out.  I ran to the thermostat.  It was noon.  The temperature was set to 72 and it was 78 degrees in the house.  By 2 o’clock it was 82 degrees.  When my husband came home from work at 6 o’clock the coolest place in our house was 85 degrees.

We put the kids to bed and after a few minutes laying on the couch, he informed me that he would have to bail.  He could not make it in this heat.  He kissed me goodbye and went to a friend’s house for the night.

He went to a lake house with air conditioning.

So, while my fingers stick to the keys of my keyboard, he is sitting comfortably in an air conditioned house on the lake.  That probably means there is a breeze too.  My only reprieve is to shove as much of my body as possible into the freezer every few minutes.  While that last of our children just fell asleep (at 10:30 p.m.) he is fast asleep in child free silence.  I am calling him out.  He is being a wimp here.  I mean, we have fans and if you don’t move things aren’t that bad.  The freezer is quite refreshing and I am told that by 2 a.m. the temperature outside may drop to a lovely 70 degrees.  I can make it.

Why did I not go to the lake house?  Well, it is 20 minutes away and I will not risk missing my last pre-school morning.  Tomorrow is the last day before the long hot summer and I WILL have my full 3 hours of freedom.  Also, the thought of packing us up was worse than this heat.  Going anywhere with 3 kids 4 and under is quite a process.  I know how to handle the heat and I am a Yankee.  He was born and raised in North Carolina…he should be able to handle a little sweat.

Since he has abandoned ship, let the heckling of this man I love begin.  Bring your best.  He always tells me I should be better at laughing at myself.  Well, here’s his chance to prove a point and finally my chance to poke fun.  I am like a mother warrior over here.  I am dripping with sweat and ready for battle.

Who can take more heat in your marriage?

Bring it!

Comments

  1. says

    Ha ha he does owe you…he owes you tons of ice cream and a day at the spa for bailing on you! I can’t believe with all of you guys there he was just like I can’t take it…holla!
    Natalie recently posted… TGIF!My Profile

    • says

      Hmmm, I say spend that same money on the iphone I have been begging for! I am proving that I am the strong one here. (Too bad I am feeling sweaty and stupid :))

  2. Nisselokeo says

    oh my god! honestly who leaves there kids and wife like that!!!???!!! What am I saying, my husband would probably do the SAME THING! :(

  3. says

    What a tool (in the best of ways)…but really…really! Come on dude…seriously, MAN UP! Embrace your sweat. Sooo not cool (eventhough you’re basking in it). That just doubled the cost of the A/C repair, cause you’re gonna have to pay your wife dearly for this one. In my world, this is an opportunity…maybe some foreplay with ice cubes? Well, too bad, you missed that my friend….guess you’ll be sleeping downstairs for a while….
    Food Adventurer recently posted… Beyond Brooklyn- Queens- and The Hamptons- An Afternoon Food Adventure on The North ForkMy Profile

  4. says

    Wow… I can’t think of another word other than that!

    I agree with Natalie… he owes you…. and I’m thinking that it’s the iPhone!

    See this only goes to prove that we as women as much stronger & better people!! You gave birth to three kids, deal with them all day, AND can handle a bit of heat!

    You. Awesome. Him. eh…not so much.
    Jackie recently posted… Another Proud Moment Spirit Cup WinnersMy Profile

  5. says

    Dear Brittany’s husband,

    You are hereby informed that you now owe your wife a trip to a lake house sans children. You will be solely responsible for finding a decent and trustworthy babysitter for the children (as well as pack their necessities). You will also ensure that your wife receives breakfast in bed at said lake house, followed by a 2-hour spa session, champagne and chocolate strawberries. Thereafter, you will ensure she has a sumptuous lunch, followed by a mandatory 3-hour nap. She will be awakened from said nap by a foot massage. Dinner shall be 6 course, candlelight optional (as it will be warm, won’t it?). Do ensure you pay her compliments all day.

    OR ELSE!

    Signed,
    The Bloggy World and Friends of Mommy Words
    Alison recently posted… Senior Hottie not!My Profile

  6. Peggy says

    Brit – we now we know why they call us the cougar and the bobcat. We are the big dogs and he is a porch puppy. Can’t take a little heat!

  7. Ross (the offender) says

    Ahhhhh….the powers of the internet….where one sided stories are born….

    To all of you who have commented or read Brittany’s latest post, I appreciate your comments today (and for all of the other ones you have left over the years). Your comments are quite insightful and help make this blog what it is today. With that being said, lets all back up and gain some altitude here and lets review the facts once more.

    1) I am a self proclaimed heat wimp. I grew up in NC and because of that, know the value of AC. no denying this point. Nor is there any denying that my wife is far tougher than i am. she builds elaborate pirate ships for birthday parties out of card board boxes and even built Miles bed the day before she went to the hospital to deliver Violet…no one doubts this womans determination or tenacity….she’s like McGyver but without the explosions

    2) at 3p, Brittany and the kids were offered an opportunity to come to the lake. At the lake are two kids (5 and 7), two jet skis, a bouncy and a slide on the lake. We were offered a room overlooking the water and the kids would have had their own rooms. For the record, that offer is still on the table for tonight…

    3) at 5p, we were offered another opportunity to come to the lake. dinner would have been provided and breakfast (while not in bed) was also provided.

    4) packing a bag for one night is not that tough. we have all done it. throw some things and go. no need to overthink this one

    5) at 8p, the unit still read 84 with nary a breeze in sight.

    6) for the last time, i asked why are you staying here when a suitable option is available?
    why torture yourself with a lousy night of sleep.

    So I ask all of you….rather than applauding her dedication to our home (which is remarkable), why is no one asking the question…why not go to the lake? was the lake such a terrible option?

    Let the heckling continue…

    • says

      Oh hon, you heard me say he is usually fabulously awesome right? I am sure I have put him through some tough things too. I thought the heckling of him would be fun. But counseling when things are usually so great…well, that does not sound so fun. So no worries…usually he treats me like a queen :)

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