I love reading those funny Godvertising signs on the side of the road when you are taking road trips. Some are on billboards…some are on church sermon boards…others look like they are road signs on the side of the road. Usually I giggle and never think of them again. It’s not that I do not believe in God – I just don’t usually think of my faith in quite such ominous terms. Maybe since I am a sinner like everyone else I should but right now I need to focus on these 2 kiddos or they will starve and then I will really be in trouble!
On our way back from a little family time at a farm, we drove by one that stuck in my head. While my husband found it irrational to stop to take a picture, I have found one from another church (from a WHOLE website on Godvertising) displaying this same creepy message that is seriously keeping me up at night.
So, using a combined look at the Ten Commandments and the 7 deadly sins, I am now going to look at my chances of reaching heaven and avoiding the fiery inferno below. What are my chances realistically of making to heaven based on how I live my life. I realize that only God can know or choose where I end up – but it has been awhile since I have taken stock so it’s time!
Test One: The Ten Commandments
ONE: ‘You shall have no other gods before Me.‘
I think I am good on this one although from a strict religious point of view I am open to people believing and finding God in their own hearts and minds – even if this is not the same God that is in mine by name. At the end of the day I think that those searching for God – whatever they call him (or her) – are searching for the same thing and will find each other standing by God at the end of days.
TWO: ‘You shall not make for yourself a carved image–any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.‘
This one seems simple only due to my current place in modern life - I don’t have any icons or statues that I have made to worship.
THREE: ‘You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain.‘
I am pretty good on this although I am always working to eliminate the “Oh My God’s” completely. Still I fail here and so this must be addressed.
FOUR: ‘Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.‘
Ouch! We go to Tot Shabbat and to the high holy days services and to Christmas services and I wish we went to church and temple more – but we don’t at this time. We don’t keep the day very holy in the home either. Oh man – this one is going to take some real energy to fix.
FIVE: ‘Honor your father and your mother.‘
I hope I have. I got out of the house at 18 and do not ask for money so I think that counts. I call on birthdays and holidays, send thank you cards and gifts and have given them 2 beautiful grandchildren. I host Christmas at my house. I am going to give myself a pass on this one.
SIX: ‘You shall not murder.‘
Pass with flying colors! I do not murder!!!
SEVEN: ‘You shall not commit adultery.‘
No worries Ross. Woohoo! I am faithful!
EIGHT: ‘You shall not steal.‘
Another point for Brittany – I do not steal!
NINE: ‘You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.‘
I am good – no false witness here!
TEN: ‘You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor’s.‘
Despite the strange wording that may have made me think I could get out of this one the ugly green monster does come out sometimes. Yes, I sometimes drive by houses I like better than mine and wish I lived there. I see mommies much more put together than I am and wish I were them. I am very jealous of people with multiples (I have already stated that I am crazy). I am jelous of a lot of things. I can’t help it. So I fail this one!
Score So Far: 7 out of 10 are good. Some might say 6 due to #1 but I am feeling generous.
Now for the harder test: THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS!
Gluttony is defined by Merriam Webster as 1 : excess in eating or drinking and 2 :greedy or excessive indulgence. I think I pass this as I don’t eat very much and I just don’t think that my greatest sins are trhough my tummy.
I fail anger (hello I have a 2 year old and I am human).
I pass greed as I really do not have an excessive desire to acquire more than what I need or deserve. However, I am only saying that I pass on this one because there is an actual separate sin for envy, which I fail.
I fail sloth – I am pretty sure this lis like lazy and while I feel like I am working my ass off all the time I definitely avoid things I do not like and that take a lot of energy like working out or REALLY cleaning the whole house regularly. These are two of my New Years resolutions…resolutions that I preparing to start…see…lazy.
Envy – alright you get it I suck at this one!
Pride – I pass on the nasty use of this word as I am not haughty and do not have an excessively high opinion of myself. Most days it is the opposite. I do take pride in my family and my accomplishments…but this is allowed.
Lust – This is the dirty excessive kind of lust and actually includes things like bestiality along with adultery and other more standard forms. I pass! Of course I pass I have a baby that still wakes up multiple times every night. My boobs leak milk – I do not feel sexy or long for anything much in that area right now. So sorry honey – but at this point I pass with flying colors!
So 3 out of 7 fail – not great. At least it helps make me focus my resolutions.
For the New Year (at this point the Chinese New Year) I resolve to be less slothful in terms of working out, cleaning my house and agreeing to push Sophia for longer on the swings even though I hate it. (She would swing for hours it really does get annoying!) I also resolve to really make an effort to be happy with what I have because then I will be happier with my life. I do not need what the Jones’ have. I just need to repeat that! Of course in order to avoid burning in hell, I am also really going to try to go to church and temple more and not take the lords name in vain. I will lump this in with not cussing in front of my kids – which is always a struggle to remember every time.
Internet, this is a lot. I am sure hoping I have some time left to right these things! And I am hoping that the rest of these signs I see are just a passing glance and do not cause this much soul searching.
Finally, I am thankful that the drinking of wine is not a sin. I would be forever screwed if it were.